Psychology Today published a book review of “The Nine Rooms” this morning. Stephen Snyder, the author of the article, agrees with the book’s main premise, that women want everything, and that thinking about everything is the root of their unhappiness.
Snyder states, “The woman’s mind is integrative, comprehensive. She thinks of the big picture - of how everything is balanced and fits together - or not. This method of thinking is somewhat foreign to the average man. He's more selective about what he thinks about.”
“The Nine Rooms” argues that compartmentalizing unwanted thoughts, the way most men do, can help alleviate unhappiness generated from integrative, comprehensive thinking. The book explains how women can think of their lives as a house of many rooms—love and sex (the bedroom), health and appearance (the bathroom), organization and power (the kitchen). The authors advise women to try working on only one room at a time, and to be cognizant of when “you’re in the wrong room.” For example, worry about your weight in the bathroom, not in the bedroom.
From personal experience, I think these ideas have some merit. When friendships/relationships with the opposite sex become too complicated, have little direction and are fraught with too many questions, confronting the situation and then compartmentalizing has been extremely helpful.
At first this process is difficult, and painful. It often means shutting out all thoughts and memories about the person, good or bad. The good thoughts about shared experiences, as benign as going to the movies together, can be the most difficult to part with. “Closing the door” on the friendship or relationship can allow a person to focus on other aspects of their life; and eventually letting that “room” fade away makes space for other new “rooms,” and new relationships.
While this probably isn't the most healthy way of thinking or dealing with problems, it certainly makes life easier.
